Burdens
by Zoser
Summary: A Heroes episode tag. SamPete, SamJack. Some vulgar language
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

It had been a god awful week. Janet was dead. She could barely think the words never mind say them aloud. They went in hot for rescue and recovery but came back with a few limping, two on stretchers and one in a body bag. Her friend, so vibrant and alive, witty and caring, a mother and a professional, was dead. And she felt the broken pieces of her heart grind against one another as she thought that it could have been Jack; it could have been the colonel. When she saw him go down time stopped and forgetting discipline and training she ran to him. She was a mess. Coming back to the base still pumped with adrenalin, not knowing if the colonel would regain consciousness or even live, she had a camera shoved in her face to record her pain. The insensitive asshole, she wanted to ram the camera down his throat. The need to strike out was almost overwhelming and the bitter tears only added to her anger.

Sam didn't leave the base until she knew the colonel was up and about. Swamped with debriefings and second guessing, grief and recriminations, the days went by in a sea of black coffee and bile. When she heard he was well enough to go home she went to see him and all the pain and fear leaked through her defenses. She cried in his arms and when she thought about it later, she had given him as much comfort as he gave her. He had held her not only comforting her grief, not only reveling in the fact that he was still alive and knowing she was glad of it, but he was glad that she, too, was spared death. If any thing had happened to her, he would have suffered more than any physical wound could cause. In his arms with his face snugged against her and his lips on her neck she had no doubts.

* * *

Pete needed a stamp. He had driven over to Sam's hoping she had remembered their plans but it seemed, as usual, she was running late. He had called her cell but it went straight to voice mail so he stopped calling. He knew where the spare key was hidden and let himself in – well he needed a pit stop but had driven straight through in hopes of a sweet weekend. He had grabbed his mail when he had picked up his over night bag and leafed through it while waiting. He had two overdue notices. Life as a detective was sometimes chaotic which was one of the reasons he thought he and Sam were a good mix, they understood that time was not always their own. Speaking of which, where the hell was she? He tried not to worry. He knew that things could get dicey; hadn't he seen that with his own two eyes. But more than likely he was being stood up for some science project. That was a blow to his ego, but better that than the alternative. Anyway he needed to send in the payments before they wound up docking his pay or a collection agent came knocking. Maybe when Sam got in and they were both dually satisfied, he thought with a grin and mild arousal, she could show him how to pay these things on line. He wasn't computer savvy and any reason to have Sam hovering was worth a lesson in boredom.

So Pete riffled through her desk in her home office to find a stamp. What he found in the top drawer confused him. It looked rather legal, signed and notarized. It was a DNR and burial instructions and a last will and testament for a John J. O'Neill, Colonel, USAF. What the fuck, why was that old bastard dumping something like that on Sam? Didn't the old crank have any friends? Why did he put Sam in such a position when he croaked? He was so rapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Sam standing there glaring at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Hey, babe, you home. Just looking for a stamp…got any?  
By the way what the hell is this about? You his keeper too?"

Sam took the papers from Pete's hands put them back it the drawer and slammed it shut. "The stamps are in the kitchen. Everything in here is work related and while not classified I'd prefer you didn't mess with it."

Case closed and she didn't say another word about the papers. Pete was still curious but one look at her face and he knew when to withdraw gracefully.

"My friend Janet died."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry."

"Three days ago, I guess I should be over it by now."

Tears filled her eyes again and Pete took her in his arms. It wasn't the same and she had the urge to push him away. She refused to give in, dried her tears and told him she would be fine. They ordered in, watched a movie or was it some mindless crap on TV, she had no idea. Off to bed, she curled into herself, hugging the pain of the week close, her back to Pete. He thought just being there would be a comfort but she seemed so cold and independent he wondered if he should just go back home. Maybe time was needed for her to begin to rely on him and so he stayed.

The next morning he woke to find her side of the bed empty and when he looked for her he found the desk drawer open the those legal papers gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Driving cross town Sam remembered when she was presented with these papers to sign, Daniel wasn't dead a month and she and the colonel had nearly drowned in a sinking mother ship. He told her that Daniel had signed the previous documents and he didn't want to impose on her but he didn't think Teal'c signature would be considered legal. And he trusted her.

She knocked on the door and heard his voice, loud and clear.

"Come on in."

Sam popped her head in the kitchen and said "You know, sir, it could have been anyone."

"Don't worry" he smirked "I have a gun.  
Hungry? Breakfast is getting cold."

"Fruit Loops can't get cold."

"No, they get soggy. Want some eggs?"

She didn't have a chance to answer when he handed her a plate of eggs, sausage, hash browns and a mug of coffee. He turned back to the stove broke two more eggs in to the skillet. She could see the outline of the bandaged under his white t-shirt and his left elbow bruised black and purple.

"How are you sir?"

"Me? I'm fine.  
Not that I mind the company but what brings you here this early on a fine Saturday morning?"

He slid the eggs into another plate with more potatoes and sausage and poured another mug of coffee. He handed her a fork and knife, grabbed some for himself and walked into the dining room.

They ate quietly and when he got up to refill the coffee cups he asked.  
"You okay?"  
He had been ignoring the papers on the table beside her.

She slid them over toward him.

"I don't think I can do this."

"It just me Carter, you can do it. It just doesn't matter much, it's just me. You know what I want."

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh shit, don't cry."

She wouldn't let one more tear fall. She seemed angry.  
"I don't want to ever have to do this.  
I don't think I can do this any more."

He wasn't quite sure what she was talking about anymore, coping with death, coping with her feelings for him or just the whole damned war. He took the easy way out.  
"We have no choice. You did get the stop-loss memo. Hell, I've tried to retire a few times."  
His fears and pain made their entrance.  
"Look dying with your boots on is preferably to some of us than rotting away in a bed. It's a goddamned shame about Janet but… it's just a goddamned shame."

He was afraid what little he had eaten was going to wind up on the kitchen floor. He went out the sliding doors to the deck to get some air and pull himself together. After a while Sam came out and stood by his side.

"When I came to in the infirmary I knew from the way they were talking that someone didn't make it. And I couldn't manage to… I couldn't ask them who it was. I was afraid…"  
He squeezed her hand. He never looked at her. He just stared out to the trees.  
Knowing that her life would be far simpler if he broke the link between them, if he could only release her from this burden they both carried. Dropping her hand he said brusquely.  
"I'll get some one else to take care of those things Carter. You don't have to fuss with it."

"Yes sir."

Sam went back inside, gathered up the papers and held them tight to her chest. She drove home knowing she could and would do anything for that man.

* * *

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End file.
